Question

why is this sentence pretentious? In this group we observed a predominance of central apneas which accounted for more than 70% of the total number of spells.

Accepted Answer

This sentence is focused on the author/observer rather than the action ("we observed"). A better sentence describes what was observed rather than the process of observing it. The new subject lies at the center of the action.

Central apnea caused over 70% of the incidents observed in this group.

Front	why is this sentence pretentious? In this group we observed a predominance of central apneas which accounted for more than 70% of the total number of spells.
Back	This sentence is focused on the author/observer rather than the action ("we observed"). A better sentence describes what was observed rather than the process of observing it. The new subject lies at the center of the action. Central apnea caused over 70% of the incidents observed in this group.

Sentence Observed Central Pretentious In Group Predominance Apneas